I wasn’t more than four years old. My dad was coming over to pick us up to spend time with him. I was waiting anxiously in the living room when he arrived—except he didn’t want me to go along with him. So he took only my sister and left me behind feeling things that I now can describe as rejection and worthlessness—deep threads woven into my life at such an early age. It’s not the only memory I have, but it’s one of the strongest.
Far too many people struggle with these types of feelings and memories: we walk around trying to fill the void, manage the pain, and/or move ahead in life by ignoring it. I filled mine with everything I could possibly find: pornography, musical talents, lust, bad relationships, false confidence, and even church work through a career in ministry. The problem is, like many people, I was not properly dealing with the real issue: a lack of self-worth.
Many women have asked me how they can find their self-worth. I wish that I could give a three-step process to finding your personal worth, but I can only make suggestions based on how I eventually found mine. So here are a few things I’ve learned in my continual journey towards self-worth:
- Seek healing for your wounds. As I’ve noted, I completed the Celebrate Recovery step study process and that was the bulk of my healing process. CR may not work for everyone, but it provided for me what I needed to work through my pain. I’m not talking about managing your pain; I’m talking about working through your pain, finding Jesus amidst your pain, and allowing Him to lead you out of your pain. “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). We must surrender to the difficult pressing to be truly delivered—whether through CR, counseling, coaching, or whatever means works best for us.
- Believe what God says about you in His Word. My woundedness inhibited me from truly experiencing the joy of being a child of God. Even though I was a youth pastor, working full-time in ministry, I still did not believe what God said about me in His Word. I knew what God said about me—that I was chosen, royal, holy, a princess, his daughter, a co-heir with Christ, beloved, worthy, His workmanship, a citizen of heaven, His friend—but I did not live like it. Once I moved out of my pain, I was free to accept and begin living as who God says I am, not who the world says I am. Now, I don’t just know it, I believe it!
- Submit to the lifelong process. Notice that I said I learned these things in my “continual journey” towards self-worth. I am not done. In fact, the Bible says that we are still works in progress that will not be finished until we meet Jesus (Galatians 5:5). While we are “eagerly awaiting” our completion, we should be constantly challenging ourselves to grow in Christ. There are still parts of me that need full submission to God and tons of work. But the more I give these areas and myself to Him, the more my worth becomes grounded in who Christ is and who He says I am.
To become fearlessly fulfilled, you must find your worth in the Person of Jesus Christ, the One who created you and loves you—the One who knows you are worth finding.
How have you begun your journey towards self-worth? Share in the comments or Contact Me to start your journey today!