The Struggle Is Real: Dare I Desire?

Growing up, I never heard anyone discuss a Christian woman’s desires about sex. They talked about women wanting to be loved and treasured, but never about Christian women actually wanting sex. As I said before, growing up in a Southern Baptist church with a single mom, sex was never discussed with me and never addressed in a safe setting except to say, “Don’t do it until you’re married.” I never knew if the feelings that I had were normal or if my longings were God-given. My mother and father divorced before I was born, so healthy, loving, sexual relationships were never modeled to me by my parents, and no other adults I knew talked about it with me. This left me stranded in figuring out if, as a Christian woman, what I felt was okay. In my mind, I questioned if Christian women should even like sex, because I had never heard my mother or any other Christian woman talk about their own feelings and desires. I knew that I liked what I felt, but I also knew that because I was not married, it was wrong. Did that mean even feeling the desires was wrong?

desire by idea go

image courtesy of idea go /

Maybe your parents had the talk with you. Maybe your church openly discusses these issues. If so, that is awesome! But maybe you’re like I was as a young woman: wondering and struggling about having sexual desires. And if that is you, let me assure you of two things:

Sexual desires are God-given. God created everything in this world. He created each one of us and He gave us needs, desires, and longings. In addition, God created sex! The Creator of the entire universe created sex—not just for procreation but for enjoyment and to fulfill these desires we have. Some of these desires have become perverted by our world and culture (see: pornography, sex addictions, prostitution/trafficking). But Psalm 139 assures us that God created every part of us, our inmost beings, and He created each of us with desires—even sexual ones. Even the apostle Paul talks about sexual passion (1 Corinthians 7). The Bible was written by men but inspired by a God who created sex and created us and the desires we have.

Sexual desires are normal. Ladies, it is normal and okay for you to feel sexual urges and desires. When I was young, I felt shameful and guilty about my desires, because no one was talking about Christian women having sexual desires and urges. It wasn’t until my junior year of college that I heard from the church that sexual desires were normal for Christian women. By then, I was 20 years old and had struggled with sexual feelings and pornography for half of my life! Even though my reassurance came late, late is better than never. A quick trip through Songs of Solomon shows how normal it is for even women to want sex. So if you have struggled with feeling “normal” about having sexual desires, please know that it is okay—and so are you.

Please note that this post is only addressing the desires we have for sex, not how we act out on those desires. The desires we have are God-given and normal; sometimes, the way we act them out are not. My next blogging series will address the act of sex and how we act out on these desires. Over the next few weeks (except for the week of Mother’s Day), I will be blogging alongside my pastor as he preaches a sermon series entitled, “What’s Missing From Sex.” He is going to cover topics such as intimacy, commitment, and love as he focuses on what culture has stripped from sex as God intended it. I will include links to the weekly sermon each week as well. I’m looking forward to continuing this important and powerful conversation with you via social media and my blog.

“Let’s talk about sex, baby, let’s talk about you and me, let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be…” –Salt-N-Pepa

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