Category Archives: Uncategorized

Monday Minute: A Time to Grieve

I am grieving for my uncle who died today. 

He was a broken man who tried his best to do good. He made me laugh. He gave selflessly at times. I went with him to Vegas and drove a cross country trip with him during a huge turning point my life—we took the “cascenic” route, hitting every casino we could find all the way from Arizona to Virginia. He was a treasured part of our Siblings Cruise vacations. 

His last few years here were marred with health issues, his trademark stubbornness, and a depression that resulted from the fallout of a major stroke. I longed to see him laugh—giggle, actually—the way he used to when something tickled him. I was sad when he left for the west coast, knowing I might not ever see him again. 

I am grieving the man who gave me the down payment for my first car. The silent soul who said little but knew a lot. The friend who was kind to all, but close with only a few. He had far too many demons and far too little peace. I pray that Jesus saved him before he passed.

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Monday Minute: Time Share

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image courtesy of winnond / freedigitalphotos.net

I just logged into my blog and realized that it’s been TWO MONTHS since I last blogged. That is CRAZY…and I believe it’s crazy because so much has happened, and I’m really mad that I haven’t been writing more . The Lord has been so good to me, and has shown me such extravagant love over the last two months, and I dislike that I haven’t been sharing it with you.

It makes me think about time…how we spend it, how we use it, how we lose it. I have been spending lots of special time with the Lord lately, and while I wouldn’t trade that for blogging, I have this blog so that I can share with you about identity and the Lord’s work in me. Part of the call on our lives, our ministries, is that we share what the Lord is doing in us and through us. So please accept my apology for not sharing more.

And I want to encourage you this Monday to not let time fly by you, either. Time is a precious gift, and we are meant to share it with others. Take time for yourself, take time for others, and most importantly, take time for the Lord.

“Making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” -Ephesians 5:16

Monday Minute: Just Apologize

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image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A friend of mine skipped my birthday festivities and did not alert me he would not attend. He never called, never texted–just didn’t show and then went on vacation for two weeks. When I brought it up with him, his response was, “I’m a work in progress.”

That’s true. We all are.

But APOLOGIZE, dude! It’s two simple words–either “I’m sorry” or “I apologize.” When there is even a HINT that you could’ve hurt a good friend’s feelings, just apologize. It tells people you’re thinking of more than just yourself–it shows you care about others’ feelings.

So next time someone points out something you did wrong*, swallow your pride and JUST APOLOGIZE!

*not applicable to coworkers with severe insecurity issues who take everything you say as a sleight against them

LL School Day: Safety Nets

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image courtesy of Phil_Bird at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

One of the lessons I’m learning about right now is safety nets. We have lots of safety nets that we depend on in this life; I feel quite sure that grieves the heart of God in many ways. We think of people as safety nets; possessions; money; careers; so many things can become safety nets to us, which causes us to miss the point of God entirely.

I didn’t realize it until my car broke down recently, but money has been my safety net. As a single woman with no family or husband to count on financially, and as someone who doesn’t have a killer job making buckets of money, I have always been incredibly cautious about money and having enough saved to feel financially comfortable. The problem is, it was never enough–until it wasn’t there anymore.

The beloved of the LORD shall dwell in safety by him; and the LORD shall cover him all the day long, and he shall dwell between his shoulders. –Deuteronomy 33:12 

The Bible reminds us in many places, OT and NT, that God wants to be our safety net. He wants to be the One that we depend on. He wants to take care of our every need, our every want, and our every desire. And any time we depend on someone or something else to do so, we miss out on receiving something wonderful from our Heavenly Father–His gift of HIMSELF.

The great thing about God being our safety net is that God will always provide for His children. It might not be what we want or expect, but He is always there, and He is always on time. And even better: God will always be enough. We may not ever have enough money, love, or power–but we always have more than enough in God.

And that’s an invaluable safety net.

LL School Day: Anger at God

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Image courtesy of Ben Schonewille at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It’s been a difficult week. My car broke down to the tune of $2,000. I finally got it fixed, and got it back last Friday…only to have it break down again on Sunday–the problem related to something they were supposed to have just fixed. And the mechanic that’s been working on it is closed this week.

Because I had just dropped most of my savings on my car, I didn’t have the money to rent another car. So I’ve been taking the bus this week and depending on the kindness of my friends.

On Monday, I waited outside my job for 30 minutes for a bus that never came. I had been trying to deal, but I lost it. I came back into my place of employment, sat in the basement room where the tourists come to watch a brief video on the history of the place, and I bawled my eyes out. It was the third time in 24 hours that I had done that.

Life is difficult. As Christians, we have zero promises in the Word about an easy life. Instead, we are told, “Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows.” (John 16:33–thanks, Jesus.) It also says that Jesus has overcome the world. But I have admit–in the moment, it just doesn’t feel like it.

And I think that’s okay. Because feelings pass. I was very angry at God for a couple of days–like full-out-cussing-and-refusing-to talk-to-Him-without-using-four-letter-words angry. I’m not ashamed to admit that, because I think it’s important that I have a fully encompassing relationship with God. If I have the capacity to feel it, it’s because God created it and gave it to me. So obviously, He can handle it. Yes, I sinned in my anger, but I also asked for forgiveness and am allowing God to heal my heart and love me again.

I’m not saying it’s right or wrong to be angry with God. I’m just saying that if it happens, God is God enough to handle it and forgive us if we sin in the midst of it. I’m getting better about dealing with trials (I was angry for two days instead of two weeks this time); but in the meantime, I can rest in knowing that God can take a shoving and keep on loving.

LL School Day: No Respect

Read this in a blog yesterday: “Adultery is no respecter of persons.” But really, I thought it should’ve said, “SIN is no respecter of persons.

My friend has a husband who loves guns. She’s always nervous because she has two small kids and he can be somewhat careless with his guns. Once she asked him, “what if you have an accident?” And he said, “I won’t. I will never have an accident with my guns.” What he fails to recognize is that accidents aren’t planned; you don’t get to decide if an accident happens to you; they just do. They happen to everyone, because accidents are no respecter of persons. And the same goes for sin.

Look, I don’t care who you are, you’re going to fall in sin. The Word says that “if we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8). The great thing about sin is that everyone on this earth struggles with it. Doesn’t matter who you are; you just do and you will until you die. Sin is like brushing your teeth before bed; you wake up in the morning, and your teeth need to be brushed again. “How did that happen? I was ASLEEP! I didn’t eat anything!” But yet bacteria and germs festered in your mouth overnight, and now your breath is funky and you gotta brush again. That bacteria doesn’t say, “oh, that’s Michelle. She’s a good girl; we are going to let her off the hook and give her sparkly fresh breath every morning.”

Again, the same goes for sin. Sin doesn’t care who you are; sin just says, I’m going to fester and grow. Doesn’t matter if you are a scholar, a homeless person, a mom, a dentist, or a BMX biker. Sin affects us all. You can’t escape it.

But I’m glad Jesus is my toothbrush!

 

LL School Day: Being Lovers

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image courtesy of Terrapun at freedigitalphotos.net

It’s a leadership lesson school day! These are going to be short blogs I write during the week with leadership lessons I’m learning (and believe me, I’m learning a LOT these days). They’re not going to be connected in any way, except for the fact they are all lessons.

Read recently: “Love isn’t what I have the opportunity to GET from this world; love is what I have the opportunity to GIVE.” (1 Corinthians 13)

Well, if that one didn’t punch me in the face, I don’t know what will.

One of my biggest issues is being loved, and subsequently, loving others. And I feel plenty of love from plenty of people in my life, but I have always been a seeker of love. My complaint to God has always been that I want someone to love me.

Now, I have PLENTY of people who love me. But you know, I’m usually talking about THAT kind of love.

And one of my other issues is that I know deep within me that I am always seeking to feel loved. But this quote challenged me: how much am I seeking to give love away? Not much. That’s because I’m always withholding love for fear of rejection. It doesn’t matter if it is with my family, my friends, or potential suitors, I have the tendency to be more closed off and unavailable to them than they are to me. I have known that I am afraid to love, but I didn’t realize how much I would hold back from being myself, from expressing myself to others out of that fear of rejection.

So when I saw this quote, I immediately thought…how can I move from trying to get love to trying to give love? Immediately, God told me to text someone and tell them how I was feeling/what I was thinking. So I did. The response was less than stellar/accepting, but at the same time, it was the response I needed. Because God wanted me to understand that it wasn’t about their response; if it was about their response, then it was what I was getting in return. Instead, it was about my choice to GIVE, regardless of the outcome. And that is a hard lesson, but a good one to learn, nonetheless.

So…how are you giving love away today–without expecting anything in return?

Blogger Interrupted

Allow me to apologize for not blogging again last week! It was fully my intent to get back into the blogosphere with a vengeance, but I was interrupted by a ma$$ive car repair. Lucky me, God is using it to refine me in the fire! While I’m waiting–for my car and my Lord, I fully expect to post this week. Thank you for hanging in there!

The Trio: An Intro

When I posted a few months ago, I noted that I had been thinking and praying about the mercy male and his role in my life. What I didn’t note at the time was that I was feeling his influence so strongly that I honestly wasn’t sure what was going on. For such a long time I have been dealing with and wondering about the mercy gift and why I always ended up with this man in my life. I never have to look far for a mercy male, as they always seem to find me! I have always understood my own need for the softening of the mercy gift, but always felt like the inclusion of the mercy male in my life was for some torturous reason. Why torture? Simple. The mercy male and myself have a tumultuous and beautiful intertwining. The attraction between us is incredibly strong, whether it is friendly or professional, and I always struggle in my relationships with mercy males. I’m their touch magnet, their jokester, their boldness. They are my sweetpeas, my sensitivity, and my compassion. It becomes tumultuous when they, in the immaturity of their gift, cannot set boundaries, and I am forced to make difficult decisions for my own well being. They are a blessing, and yet also heart breaking. 

So imagine my chagrin when I moved to a brand new state and recently realized that I work directly for a mercy male boss, interact consistently with a mercy male coworker, and express myself musically alongside a mercy male worship leader. It’s interesting how the Bible sees the number 3 as a sign of completion, seeing as these three have completely driven me crazy over the last year! But there is something wonderful about realizing how complete this foray into the mercy gift in the mercy season has been for me. This Trio of Mercy Males has shown me the beauty and fallacy of the gift like no interactions with the mercy male has before. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m more hypersensitive to their presence in my life, or if these three are just simply that much more pronounced in my life. But when I recognized that this Trio was having such an influence on me, I realized that God was giving me some answers to questions I had been asking for quite some time (see previous blogs). 

So this series is going to explore the Trio: the boss, the coworker, and the worship leader–three mercy males who are all very different and at various stages in their lives and relationships with the Lord, and yet influencing me through their leadership and lives nonetheless. I look forward to sharing what I’m learning and how I’m growing, and how the mercy male continues to shape this pushy prophet girl. 

Back in the Saddle!

Well, HEY! It’s been far too long since I’ve posted on my blog, and I’m ready to start blogging full time again. I’ve really gotten some intense leadership lessons in a trial-by-fire kind of way over my last year here in my new state, and I’m really excited to blog and share more about what’s been happening, how God is leading me and loving me, and the wonderful changes hat I’ve been experiencing. Though trials may come (and they will), God has been holding me steady. Looking forward to sharing with you all on a regular basis again!